HOLY HELL! O_O

i seriously didn't expect that.
thanks to every single pair of eyes (or.. yeah, i don't want to discriminate. lol, but maybe one-eyed people too? XD) that viewed my gallery.

i just want to crawl back into my comforters back at home. and sleep. with the tv, the station being a digital radio station perhaps set to Classic Rock or Hottest Hits, on. that would be the background music with the air conditioner as the noise. that is so relaxing.

i could just imagine it.

my room back at home, back at riyadh ksa.

i feel so incredibly depressed right now, and i think i need someone to talk to.

things are not okay here, and i just don't know what to do.

i'm not satisfied with myself.

i hate being so... different. so different from who i am before. before i came here, back at my home country. i hate hate hate it!

before, i was a happy carefree kid. lots of muse in my head, and believe me, i was a good writer. that's what i loved about myself back then. i was something (or rather, someone). i knew back then that if i can't get through with my singing (or petty guitar-playing), i could do well with my writing. and that was good enough for me.

heck, i have been writing (quite literally) since i was a kid.

i'd take my elder sister's pink suitcase, load it up with bond paper, and a few pencils and ballpens, go to my living room. pull the coffee table closer to the couch, and then i'm off! just like that. writing non-sensical things.

but now... i can barely write anything!

i'm lousy, lousy lousy right now. and i blame it all on my school. the move here. i hate it. why now!? why couldn't they just move me when my high school days are over!? you know the consequences of moving me here in my junior year?

it ruins my chances of getting into a good university!

(not exactly ruin, but i believe i could do better in my old school.)

yes, i'm being extra-hardworking at school. but that's only because i feel like i have to constantly prove myself. i don't want to be here, and be.... just someone who can't get into a great college because no matter how hard she tried, her grades will speak for herself. "good, has potential. but not good enough."

fuck you world!!! fuck you!

i hate it here.

this place is eating away my soul.

my brain's so encumbered by worries about the future, i can barely get a single original and creative and complete thought to process there anymore.

ughh!! i hate being here.


some days... i just really want to asphyxiate myself and get this thing called "life" done and over with.

some days...

So I think a "woot!woot!" is in order for our SemBreak!
Hey, it might just be one week, but still! It's a break.
And a much needed one. Sheesh. This school is putting way too much weight on my back. If I didn't have any friends there, I reckon I may just as well be dead right now.

Anyways, any updates on me... well, there's almost nothing.
(Can you already sense how monotonous and uneventful my life had become?)
And that would be a stretch! Wow. Come to think about it, I haven't updated my DAJournal for about 4 months!

I'm not that lazy am I?
Well, I have about thousands of online journals already, so what's to say this one doesn't end up like the others?
[This is my livejournal btw, haha, just in case any of you are wondering -> [link] ]
I really should update my journals more.
Is that bad? To create so many and only update few ones? Blah. I don't know. I don't really get the hang of updating it regularly (or even semi-regularly) now a days, as I had much before.

I just can't seem to finish an entry anymore. I'd be caught up with something else before I finish it. So.. meh. What's the use?

Anyways, let's get down and gritty: what had changed?

1. School: Eew, eugh, eerrlack, bleugh! and any expression you can come up with that denotes your lack of affection towards something, in this case, school. I definitely hate where I am right now. It's a very L A M E school, that much I can say. And I thought my previous school was lame, this one really takes the cake. The newsletter club is a bomb - they only have one issue per year, some articles come rejected, they don't have enough members (a fact that I really wanted to change!), the issue is for free (really - where's the FRIKIN' FUNDING?!). The school looks like crap - well, like a crappy castle - it might be big but I don't really like the whole accommodation, etc. blah blah blah. The people is... well, they're definitely different. I get easily irritated by their facetious and pretentious faces. I'm not even sure who's being real or who's not. It's all mudded up and cloudy. Oh God... I just hate it there. I would like to go back to my school now please. Or at least, go to another school that's worth those 45K tuition fee that my parents paid for! Ugh.

2. Me: Blah. I've changed, that much I can tell. Though I'm still unclear on which aspects of myself had come to change over time. I can say that I'm definitely growing... more mellow, lately? I'm not sure. Maybe it's the environment. I swear, everything and everyone's almost hush-hush and 'just keep this inside our group only' that it's hard to be excited about something. Point is, I find myself being more and more detached with the outside world lately. Other than that, I'm also having problems with my own interests lately. They're getting blurry. Not unlike before, I knew what I liked and I stood by it. Now... I can say I'm "straddling the fence". Unsure of where to be, and you know, all that stuff. I hate it. I basically hate how I changed. I'm currently randomly swimming through (swimming!? ) my old mp3's, and frankly, I feel homesick again. Homesick for my former self. Although, I know that if I hadn't changed at all, then I probably wouldn't have survived at all. Hai... life is complicated. (And tiresome to talk about, really. Just having a head ache right now, typing about it.

3. Weight: HAHAHA! THE ONLY THING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT! seriously. Lost about 5-7 KGs. (Now you must be going: "rreaaaally? o.O"...) YES. I did. ^_^ and bound to lose some more. Bwuahah. Well, it's the thing with being in Philippines I guess. Err, people just get... thinner here. Because of the climate, and everything, yatti yatta yada.

4. Geekiness: it has moved to the highest level. Well, kinda. I'm much more studious now, than ever before. Ugh. Yuck, really. But it's supposed to pay off in the end. Supposed.

Well, that seemed mighty.

I'm going to be doing a lot of reading now.

On my reading list, there's the first 3 Georgia Nicolson books. Then there's Niffeneger's much acclaimed, famous, 'is going to be a movie starring Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams soon' The Time Traveler's Wife (which concept, I have yet to really grasp!), and a biography on Led Zeppelin.

Lots to read. (All that, including the one I have to read: my book report for my Filipino class.)

Blah.

So 'tis is where we must part.
Bye now. :]

I don't know why. But I feel so sick today. [And don't you dare burst into your Ne-Yo song, I know you're reading!]

Listening to Fall Out Boy -- a band that I swore off when I had discovered the great world of what is now branded as classic rock -- makes me really really homesick.

I thought to myself, I would only be listening (and perhaps try to like? But Pete is such a whxre!) to this band because my friends like them. Not exactly the common example of peer pressure, but... well, let's just say it reminds me sooo much of my friends.

I may not like Pete Wentz, but I have a bit of reservation left for the "other" members of the band. Or as most people would just like to label them, "Pete's group"... in the context that: "Pete and his crew..."

Kinda sad and unfair, since the other two members of the band (Joe and Andy) seemed to have a style of their own, and Andy's pretty good.

But I guess it just all depends on who gets the most tabloid time -- MySpace time? Porno picture time? Girlfriends changing as frequently as you would change undies? Who knows!?

Anyways, I miss home.

Isn't it funny?

When you're at home -- one that you've known for so long (probably it's where you grow up!) you got sick of it, and want to move out of it. Just to experience what it would be like to have a new house, a new blah blah. But when you actually do... you get... homesick.

I hate this.

I am not emo (though, I may probably be. Everybody's got an emo kid inside us all that's just waiting to come out!)...

...just... cranky. Irritable. Depressed (maybe?) and just... sick.

Presenting the Feeling Silly Edition.

It's made to make you feel better about yourself. Honestly, it was made because I was bored and I remembered that video in youtube asking for people to do random acts of kindness. [With one notable example of boosting a bad TV show's ratings...] So I thought I'd make people feel better about themselves by posting my silly pictures. Some of them are not totally silly. But, you get the idea.

I'll update more of them soon; because believe me... I have tons of silly pictures here.

But don't make me look like a fool please...

Post some of yours too!

Let us make this world a better place by making a fool out of ourselves!

Take a laugh at yourself.

It wouldn't be that bad. Trust me, the whole world would laugh with you. (And that's better than laughing at you!)

Don't be afraid to laugh and mock yourself, some believe that it's one of the greatest attitudes a human could have.

Besides, it's better if you're the one making fun of yourself rather than other people right?